Sanctuary

So now I'm a mother of two. Nothing else is going on right now I don't think.
Well I started listening to music again now. For someone who loooves music, being absent from it for about a year is pretty significant. I didn't even really gave it much thought until one day I listened to a John Mayer song from my laptop, with an earphone. I mean really listen to the song with eyes closed. Never thought the effect would be so significant. Felt like I am starting to get pieces of myself back.
Don't get me wrong..being a mother and a wife is great. Seriously. I wouldn't trade it with anything else. The love I felt and give to my husband and kids are so great that I left myself out without even thinking about it.
Now I am holding on to my music. Taking some me time at night with my earphones on and eyes shut. Oh sanctuary. Hello Amanda, let's dance like crazy in our dream tonight.  Bottoms up :)

Rant

Waah udah lama banget ga nuliiiiss…pengen mulai blogging lagi tapi no time euy. I don’ even have enough time to take care of myself nowadays (curcol alert)

Ini ya…di project yg sekarang…emosi jiwa boookk

Why? Because of questionable leadership of a certain leader, I’d say! Hehehehe
It is not the work that I mind.Trust me I do not mind at all. However, it is the leadership style (if any leadership ahown at all) that burned us all to the ground.

At least I can learn on what NOT to do when I’m a leader. Yiihaaa!

bosen sebosen bosen nya

Ampun dijeeee...

Gue udah nganggur ga ada kerjaan dari jam 3 tapi belom bisa pulang krn bos2nya juga belom pada pulang, krn masih jam 3, dan krn baru dijemput jam 7 juga. And it feels oh so excruciating! Pala gue sampe puyeng liatin laptop terus...
Kerjaan gue kan tadi udh beres, udh gw kirim, tp belom bisa direview. Baru bisa besok pagi jadi gw harus nyampe kantor jam 8

Anyhoo...gue udah kram otak gini euy..udah buka yahoo news, kompas, detik, ebay, jakarta post, dll dsb..

Weight struggle

I've never thought in a million years that I will be one of those who struggle with weight. I mean seriously statting to struggle with my health as well. For the first time in years, my asthma came back and I actually went to the ER because of it. I can't sing like I used to because I have shorter breath now. My energy level is at its lowest and my back pain is coming back with a vengeance, with its worst attack starts today. And, most importantly, my self confidence has really been going south and I long for it. I really miss having that spring in my every step every morning. Now, all of my attempts on dressing up and have my make up done feels like a joke.

Jadi ceritanya begini (langsung mulai nih ya)

Minggu lalu gue teh mensubmit resignation letter ke pihak2 terkait (halah pihak terkaiiit). Dan kemaren, tanggal 13, udah diapprove oleh semua pihak2 yang perlu mengapprove. Jadii, kira2, in a month time, gw bakal totally unemployed (walaupun belom denger apa2 dari HR sih...gimana ini teh HRnyaa?)

Deg2an juga sih gue, soalnya ini berarti a quite significant pay cut to our household income. No more blanja blanji on weekends, makan2 dimana aja yang ga pake mikir. Harus bener2 memperhatikan pengeluaran dan pemasukan nih! Yang sebenernya emang udah seharusnya rutin dilakukan sih. Yeah well at least now I have the motivation hehehe

Aaand, excited juga nih, karena dengan ga kerjanya gue, sekarang gue bisa lebih memperhatikan anak gue, ngurus dia sesuai dengan cara2 yang gue inginkan, dan bisa lebih mengurus diri gue sendiri juga, yay..!

We'll see how this works deh, I will keep you posted hehehe

Haunted!

So a quick recap, currently I am working at a client site, one of the biggest heavy equipment dealership in Indonesia. Well, we've been located in the newer building since um..mid August, and on Monday we will relocate to a neighboring, older building. A midst the excitement of a new workplace, there's another topic that is being talked about right now. The building is haunteeed..! "Apaaah?"
Yes. The building is kind of heavily haunted, in which no one ever work overtime there. For a reason, I guess.
Hadooh, ini adalah tantangan besaar bagi Accenture untuk menyelesaikan to-be deliverables kitaaa. Kita kan sering pulang maleeeeem, gimana urusannya kalo pas diskusi malem2, ada tambahan tim? Gimana coba? ha? ha?
Apalagi, katanya the biggest activity is at the girls' bathroom. Oh whyyyy is it ALWAYS the girls' bathroom? What have we girls been doing in toilets to make it so habitable to the otherwordly entities? what??

Wiiiii.....! Lagi nyoba posting blog dr android gw, seru yaaaaa walopun ribet sih benernya secara gw salah2 mulu ngetiknya belom jago. Tp gapapa...tetep seruuu
Tadi gw lunch di grand lucky, ada gerobak bakso di dalem supermarketnya, enak juga ternyata, even if it's more on the pricey side utk just semangkok bakso tp gpplah, masih enaaaaakkkkk

Let's go swimming!

So yesterday we took li'l Kay to go swimming for the first time, it was so much fun! Sayang datengnya udah kesiangan jadi ga bisa lama2..takut anak gw item hahaha

eniwei..

Iya jadi ceritanya a few days ago kan gw beliin Kay pink bikini, because they were so adorable, gw jadi semangat untuk cepet2 ngajak Kay berenang. So...you can say that berenangnya Kayla was actually driven by the bikini purchase...*blush

Tadinya gw sama mas Peno udah agak nervous takut anaknya ga mau and nangis2, soalnya pernah tu dulu nyobain sekali dan dianya nangis. Nyobainnya di plastic tub sih, yg bentuknya silinder rada tinggi jadi kakinya dia bisa berenang2, bukan yang cetek gitu. Kayanya yang salah waktu itu pelampungnya sih. It was somehow so badly fitted that her chubby cheeks were squashed by the floatees...nangis deh jadinya dan mood berenangnya pun jadi gone huhuhu

Nah kalo yang kemarin, awal2nya juga gw pakein floatie itu sih tp kita inflatenya ga full2 bgt biar ga terlalu mencet pipinya si Kay...well, masih sih dikit tapi udah mending lah. She didn't cry right off the bat at least. Awal2 masuk kolam dia agak merengek gitu, jadi gw cobain dikit2..bertahap lah ceritanya. Begitu dia merengek, gw angkat dikit, trus masukin lagi...sampe akhirnya dia familiar with the water and calmed down. Ujung2nya gw juga memutuskan to take the floatie off altogether karena keliatan dia uncomfortable dan kesian ga enjoy. Sooo....begitu pelampungnya dilepas, langsung happy dehhh diaa. Seneng gw liatnya, hihihi. Main air kecipak2, muka kecipratan berkali2 juga enjoy2 aja tuh dia ^^

Dear God save our country

Baru baca2 berita online tentang kelakuan anggota DPR yang makin menggila. Udah dikritik rakyat kiri kanan pun ga ngaruh. Malah mereka ngancem kalo dikit2 dikritik, ntar lama2 bisa jadi nggak peduli loh...begitu katanya

Gw sampe speechless..

Udah capek banget emang baca2 ttg kelakuan they who're supposed to be our voice in the government. But turns out that they're the biggest traitor we've ever have.
Damn...gw nggak tau pasti sih kapan hal ini mulai terjadi. Mungkin udah dari dulu...tapi at least dulu masih ada 1 authority figure yang ditakutin orang, so there was still order. You see how bad it is when people started missing a dictator they once struggled to kick out of his post.

Huff...this is one of the times when I miss being far away. It is soo much easier to love your country when you're far away. It is also easier to do something concrete, as simple as promoting your country and the culture to other nations, trying to keep our good name abroad.

Disini, cuma ada putus asa. Dulu, ada mahasiswa yang bisa kita andalkan untuk memimpin revolusi against evil governments. Now...kelakuan mahasiswa di kampus2 yang dulu pernah jadi pahlawan banyak yang jadi bahan ketawaan, cenderung memalukan.

Generasi2 penerus yang muda2 udah nggak ada yang tau Pancasila. Dulu kita memang didoktrin untuk belajar Pancasila dan Undang2...tapi at least dengan itu kita jadi lebih tau what's right and what's wrong...dan apa aja hak2 yang harus kita perjuangkan (i.e. sumber kekayaan alam negara harus dipergunakan untuk sebesar2 kemakmuran rakyat) dan kewajiban2 apa aja yang harus kita lakukan.

Hmh...mo nunggu pemerintahan yang sekarang lengser pun...ga tau apakah akan ada pengganti yang kompeten?

Next pemilu golput aja aaahh......*hopeless

Steak steak steak!

Aduh, tadi malem gue nonton Masterchef Australia, trus ada bagian dimana si chef nya ngajarin para kontestan untuk masak steak yg benar. Ada tenderloin...sirloin..rib eye...haaa mampus deh enak banget keliatannyaaaa padahal cuma digaremin doang

Ngidam steak...huhuhu

Faux college hysteria

*grin
*frown
*grin
*frown
Ada apa sih kok senyum cembetut senyum cembetut ganti2 terus udah kayak orang sakit jiwa??
Jadi begini niiihh....gue akhirnya telah diconfirm dan disetujui untuk berangkat training ke KL akhir bulan Mei ini > *grin
Tapiiiiii lamanyaaaaaaaa itu loh. Trainingnya 2 minggu aja dong..anak gue mo dikemanaiiin > *frown
Cuma asik juga sih, rasanya bakal kayak balik kuliah lagi, belajar lagi hehehe. You know how I miss college and all the fun stuff! >*grin
Again, 2 minggu..mo bawa Kay masih susah soalnya dia kan udh mulai makan and makanannya musti dimasak. Nah gue bisa masak dimanaaa? (kebayang jongkok di balkon kamar hotel kipas2 bubur beras terus dimarahin sekuriti krn asepnya kemana2) >*frown

Dan seterusnya.

Mandy's promise!!

Hookay so I added a few pounds due to my pregnancy (a few pounds?? more like the weight of a whole human child) and been trying to get back to my previous heyday body since. or more like wishing.
I know...I need to put more effort into it, but it's just sooo haaarddd *whine
baiklah kalauu begitu, to show my seriousness of losing this pregnancy weight, I'm going to announce this to the whole wide world:
I hereby state that I will run on dad's elliptical machine for at least 15 minutes, e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y!!

Ah...there's the discussion again

Finally! back to the discussions sessions at work, which I love. Great minds, alike and opposing, all joined into one lively discussions that are both dizzying and intriguing at the same time. No more zombie time! Read several tweets from a sharp-minded novel writer today about how a good writer can lose herself in her writing, falling in love with her character, confused about the world that she's writing and the reality. She wasn't surprised that writing is one of the job that's prone to suicide and depression. Huh..I guess she's right about that

Kaykay's first meal

Yes! Kayla's officially 6 months old now! Gosh how time flies...anak gw udah 1/2 taun aja gitu umurnya. Please don't be a teenager too soon ya nak...mama belum siap mental huhuhuhu

Kayla sicky…:(

Kayla sekarang udah 5 bulaaan yaaay ^^. Makin aktif dia dari hari ke hari. She's a little dynamite and I couldn't be prouder as a mom. Jadi teringat doa gue dulu, may she be a vibrant child that's full of love and bring joy to everyone around her. And that she does…thank you ya Allah for her J

Unfortunately, this little locomotive is a bit under the weather. Within this last month she's been throwing up a lot, often throwing up the whole content of her little tummy, poor thing. Over the course of the month gue udah berniat untuk bawa dia ke dokter, tapi masih ragu2 gitu. Abis kalo udah muntah gitu she looks pretty happy and okay dan gue ga mau maen bawa dia aja ke rumah sakit apalagi ke UGDnya. Gue nggak mau mengekspos dia ke udara rumah sakit kalol emang ga perlu2 banget. Lagian, 2 minggu lagi juga udah jadwal imunisasinya so…ah I don't know. The decisions to made when we're parents…ga pernah sebelumnya gue dihadapkan dengan keharusan untuk membuat keputusan yang menyangkut well-being seorang anak manusia, let alone my own child!

Anywhoo…hari ini gw ditelepon motion radio buat record suara, ditanyain opini ttg sesuatu, and will be aired tomorrow morning hihihihi…tau aja mereka kalo gue pendengar setia. Btw, ada yang tau Gedung Kontan di Kebayoran Lama dimana ngga? (yg jawab di Kebayoran Lama mending ga usah deh…itu mah gw jg tau)

Kenyaaaang!

Huwaaaaa kenyang banget!
Hari ini gue makannya keterlaluan deh. Pagi2 udah menghabiskan 1 porsi breakfast package yang terdiri dari nasgor, 2 pieces of toast, scrambled egg, 2 sausages, a cup of tea (with creamer) and a glass of orange juice. I ate them all but the toasts (was gonna safe them for the afternoon cravings).
And siangnya, diajakin lunch sama pak bos + 3 other bumils and 1 other person. Kita makan ke Beautika. To be honest, I wasn't really hungry but was just happy to socialize. I was even sure that I wasn't gonna finish the whole portion. But was I wrong or what....I ate the whole portion, plus a glass of lemon tea and a portion of Es Kacang. Ghaaa....parah nihhh!

Sekarang anak gue lagi melancarkan aksi ikan paus kecilnya...alias berenang2 di dalem kayak monster Lochness (kaya yang tau aja Lochness geraknya ky apa -.-').
Paus keciiiiil kamu lagi apa di daleeeeeemmmm....nanti kalo weeked ini kita bedua masih ndut, diketawain om dokter lagiii (teringat last visit, om dokter: Manda, 4 kilo lagihh?)

Hiks.....

Mommy-to-be :)

Goodness my stomach is really getting bigger and bigger!
I still have about 7 weeks (too long) to go and I don't know how big this is gonna go until the actual D-Day. I have added 44 lbs in 7-ish months and I'm currently adding about 8 more lbs/month. Sweet..

But you know what, honestly, I am not THAT concerned about my weight + swollen feet + extra stretchmarks. Right now all I care about is being able to deliver my little girl safely, and hopefully by normal labor. I'm not really concerned (yet!) about the variety of labor pains despite all the videos I've seen and testimonials I've heard that it's gonna hurt like hell. I just want to hold my baby in my arms and hope that this last 7 weeks can pass by quick enough.

Gosh I still need to let it all sink in that I'm going to be responsible for a human soul for the rest of my life in just 7 weeks. It does sounds funny that I haven't gotten it all sinked in to my brain that I'm going to be a parent, despite the new car switch from a compact to a station wagon-y car, despite the fact that my body has changed (and still is) tremendously, despite the time I spent caring for my baby inside and got called by name whenever I entered Mothercare now...(yikes! haha). Yeah seriously, the people at Mothercare Pacific Place now know me and my husband on a first name basis because we go there almost every week. Even just to have a look around and not buying anything, we just have the 'pull' to enter that doggone store everytime we go to the mall.

Yeah well ayway..pregnancy has been fun for me so far. I am one of the lucky ones not to experience bad mood swings. And hopefully with me being happy most of the time like this, will be good for my little girl :)

Sooo....?

So I'm married!
Yaaay! ^^
Alhamdulillaaah...

And sekarang, mo honeymoon dulu aaah..

Dadaaaaah ^^

Yes, it bothers me

I started to think that I might have an OCD problem when I imagined falling down the stairs with dirty, oily plate, and oily fingers...and couldn't give a clear answer whether I'd call for help straight away, or go wash my hands first (in pain), then grab the phone and call for help.

Huh...

Contemplation

Dear all,

Have been thinking for days of what I'm going to say with no avail. Things kept popping in my head randomly. I've felt that my focus is slipping away and been trying to hold on to it for dear life. I'd probably need to step back, take a breath and see everything from a bird's eye view.
But do I have the time?
Growing up will not wait for anything. Like time.
I need that moment when time stands still.

Laughter. From the heart. Out loud.

Damn I miss that.

I am one of those who believes that growing up does not mean losing the happy part of you, substituted by responsibilities, obligations, needs, and the list goes on.
But now I know that it is not as easy as it seems.

Why am I stuck doing things that is utterly meaningless?
Why am I stuck doing things where I am situated to be cautious of other human beings?
Why am I stuck doing things that does not seem to bring that much good?

I don't like it. I stay because of need. I stay because of responsibilities.
Meaningless...passionless...
I don't like it.

Once you're counting the days when you can leave something, that's usually one of the first signs that say you need to find something else.
What do I truly want? What do I truly need?
And why does my wanderings kept being halted by the thought of reponsibilities...

Akh...my head hurts. I don't know what to do..I don't know who to talk to.

Laughing out loud. Let's just make that my short-term goal.