Monday, November 21, 2016

Me and my weight struggle

Hola!

Gw abis pulang Zumba, enak seger rasanyaa! It's 9:58PM, ni gw bobonya pasti enak banget deh.

Gw ni baru mulai olah raga sekitar 4 bulanan yang lalu. Sebelomnya, boro2! Terakhir gw fitness tuh sebelom nikah. Dulu mah gaya, pacaran sama laki gw yang sekarang aja di Fitness First hahaha. Begitu nikah, langsung hamil, yaudah babay. So...kurang lebih it took me 6 years buat mulai aktif lagi. Don't be like me, guys. It is way too long, honestly!

Well, berat badan gw memang naik drastis begitu gw hamil sih. Kehamilan pertama, I started from 52kg, lalu 9 bulan kemudian, nambah 22kg. Gila nggak? Gila sih kalo kata gw. Karena gw sebenernya kayak nggak terlalu ada motivasi untuk nurunin lagi gitu. Itu ya, ngaruh banget loh. Karena tinggi badan gw minimal (pendek bo!), jadi 74 friggin kg itu udah overweight. Nggak sehat. Ditambah, gw nggak gerak. Pada saat itu gw masih kerja, jadi ya udah di depan laptop aja gitu. Di masa-masa ini, berat badan gw bukan hanya ngaruh ke fisik yang kerasa super2 begah dan nggak enak, tapi banyak juga masalah lainnya sih. 1. I don't look good in anything, or at least, it felt like it. Gw nggak pinter mantes2 outfit sih memang, tapi at least saat gw kurus, it's easier. Just put on a t-shirt and jeans, and you're all set. Apalagi, instagram masih baru launch banget (sebulan setelah gw lahiran anak pertama, 2010). So, masih susah cari sumber baju plus size yang ok.
Lalu, kesulitan mendandani diri gw dengan ok itu, lead to low self confidence. Low self confidence ngaruh ke banyak hal. Namely self-worth, happiness, performance, dll dsb. Tapi tetep, masih belum cukup memotivasi gw. Apa yang akhirnya motivasi gw untuk try losing weight? I started to experience health problems. Back pain, short of breath, gampang sakit. Heck, I coudn't even sing right anymore! Jadi gw nyobain akupunktur (masih bukan olahraga ye). It worked like a charm. I started dropping weights, dr 74 sampe ke 58kg. And then gw pregnant lagi.

Nahh, pas kehamilan kedua, naiknya nggak sebanyak kehamilan pertama. Tapi startnya dari 58 kan yaaaa. So I was back to 74kg. Nghkghgk...
Ini turunnya lumayan sih, nggak pake akupunktur, udah bisa sampe ke 63kg. But then Kayla started to get sick, and then the leukemia came. Isolasi gw di Singapur selama satu tahun. Hanya gw berdua aja sama Kay di sana. So, mix antara boredom and stress eating, it shot right back up to 70kg. Alamak...

Lalu, gw dan Kay udah balik ke Indo, the dust started to settle. Walaupun Kay masih chemo, tapi alhamdulillah udah jauh lebih baik. Kita udah bisa pulang, Kay udah boleh mulai sekolah lagi (yay!), gw udah mulai bisa aware lagi sama well-being gw sendiri. I started to experience health problems again. Walaupun nggak sampai yang napasnya pendek kayak dulu, tapi back problem mulai muncul lagi. Fisioterapi lagi. The low self confidence lingered on.
Alhamdulillah, nggak lama setelah gw memutuskan bahwa I need to change again, one of my new girl friend ngajak aerobik bareng di studio deket rumah. Oh hell yea! I thought, this might be a sign. I love to dance, so this kind of workout should be fun.
That was 4 months ago. Sekarang, I am totally enjoying my aerobic and (especially) Zumba classes. I love the feeling after working out. Rasanya segar, light, pumped, awesome. I am down to 64kg now, hopefully bisa terus nurunin sampe ke kepala 5 lagi amiiiinnnn.

So, yeah. I really recommend to move. Find something that you might like. Nggak perlu gabung ke major fitness center. If you can, that's great. But if you can't, cari2 aja yang deket rumah. Or, yang kira2 suka lari, kayanya ok juga tuh. Gw mah ga bisa, I have a bad knee, so I can't run on uneven surface.

Jadiii, ayooo kita Zumbaaa!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Urgh....

Yello....oo...

What's up, people!
Ni sebenernya belum tau musti nulis apa sih, but I just feel like writing to get some of the clutter out of my head.
So, yeah, it's 8:30 AM and I'm tired. I was up very...very late last night and only got 3 hours of sleep time. Panda eyes, nooooo!

I've been trying to finish translating this communication textbook, tapi beberapa bagian agak ribet. Ini deh salah satu pet peeves gw dengan textbook. There are times when they will just spit out a mix of words that doesn't make much sense.

Here's a thing about me. Gw adalah penggila buku. Gw udah baca ratusan buku in my lifetime, dimulai dari komik Bobo dan Donal Bebek, ke novel pertama gw (Lima Sekawan), ke grown-up novel pertama gw (No Greater Love by Danielle Steele), ke ratusan lagi online novels yang udah gw habiskan sampe saat ini. Gw nggak pernah sekalipun ngebuang buku, mau dipaksa buat ngosongin tempat juga nggak bisa. I was super crushed and cried when a box of my books were damaged by flood water (hard cover Harry Potter, dangit!!!). All of my books' conditions are great. No folded pages, no wear and tear even though I re-read a lot of them countless times. Satu-satunya pekerjaan yang mau gajinya seberapa pun ngga bakal ngaruh adalah, kalau gw kerja di toko buku. The money will never see the light of day hahaha. Intinya, I love books (okay, okay, we get it for God's sake).
Dari semua buku-buku itu, jumlah buku non fiksi yang pernah selesai gw baca (kecuali buku pelajaran. Because, school.) bisa dihitung pake tangan. Believe me I tried. Termasuk saat beberapa yang sempet ngetren tuh...kayak Chicken Soup for the Soul, trus apa tuh...La Tahzan, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Tipping Point, dll. dsb. Padahal temen-temen gw yang masuk kelompok keren dan intelek (apa sih ini), rata2 banyak yang baca buku2 kayak gitu. I trieddddd, suwerrrr! The last 3 times that I tried to read them (pinjem, atau beli kalau lagi merasa butuh komitmen), I fell asleep after the first 30 pages or so. A lot of times gw merasa sotoy dan ngerasa kalau pengen tau intinya buku itu, tinggal baca indeksnya aja. Padahal mah...hadeh
Sepertinya, hati ini ingin, tapi apa daya badan menolak. Alesan bukan ini? Alesan sih. Tapi ya udah deh.

Butuh maen. >.<
(ujung2nya)

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Ibu guru oh ibu guru

Holaaaa....

Hari mengajar gw kemarin kocak deh. Kan gw ngajar 2 kelas bahasa Inggris nih di STT PLN. There were never a dull moment setiap kali gw ngajar. Adaa....aja kelakuan mahasiswa yang kocak2 (ya dosennya juga sih, but I digress....)

Kemarin nih, begitu gw masuk kelas, "Halooo guysss, good morning!" Langsung macem2 deh itu anak2 jawabannya, ni beberapa kelakuannya:
A: Morning ms! Hoi-hoi ayo itu AC nya nyalain, miss nya ngos2an itu! (iye, liftnya antri, jadi gw naik tangga ke lantai 4)
B: Haloo ms, segeran potong rambut ya!
C: Heh! Heh! Ayo balik2 ke kursi! (emang pada bertebaran, ada yang joprok di bawah papan tulis, ada yang pake kursi gw--ini langsung dibersiin di puk-puk in gt kursinya hahaha)

...dan lain-lain dan sebagainya...tapi lalu ada 1 mahasiswi nongkrong di meja gw:
D: Ms! Beli lipstik dong ms! Bagus2 nih warnanya! *langsung menebarkan sekotak liquid lip NYX palsu di meja gw* Ini ada ungu, orens, pink, cocok semua ms!
E: *mulai nyamper ke meja gw juga sambil bawa katalog Oriflame*
Gw: Ung...itu apaan...hhheeyyy udah2 beresin ntar aja abis kelas ah! syuh syuh....(wakakakak)

Dasarrr kocak2 itu anak2...

Kalau kelas berikutnya beda lagi. Gw kan telat tuh masuknya gara2 nyari makan kejauhan, bawa Sofi pulak. Udah deh lama! Begitu gw masuk, langsung pada nanya:
Gw: Haaalooo, sorry sorry I'm late! (masih ngos2an naik tangga lagi, karena lift masih antri, hadeh)
A: Gapapa ms. Abis darimana ms?
B: Ms. segeran deh rambutnya pendek! (ini temenan sama anak kelas C tadi ya?!)
C: Hoi hoi itu AC nyalain lagi ms. nya kepanasan tuh (ni apaan sih kok sama gini??)
Gw: Iyaa, nyari makanan kejauhan, kapok! Kan ngga enak ya kalo makan buru2 gitu, emangnya ospek!

Begitu duduk, gw memandang curiga, takut disodorin katalog oriflame lagi.

Untuk kelas Inggris gw ini, gw ajarin mereka one thing sih.
"Di sini kita belajarnya interaktif ya, ada kalanya saya minta bantuan kalian, ada kalanya kalian akan mengoreksi saya kalau ada kesalahan. Masalah peraturan grammar, mungkin beberapa dari kalian ada yang udah ahli. Kalau saya? Saya totally Inggris terapan, Inggris yang dipake sehari2. Remember, kalian udah kuliah, udah gede. Bukan waktunya lagi didikte oleh guru.
Heck, I don't know everything. I just know more than you."

Dari situ, gw bisa lebih santai ngajarnya. Nggak terlalu ter-pressure harus sempurna, harus tau segala2nya. Kalau ada pertanyaan yang gw nggak yakin, yaudah di Google bareng2, lalu baru gw jelaskan setelahnya. Kalau ada grammar rules yang nggak terlalu terpakai di dunia nyata, I'll let them know. Biar bisa pilah2 lah, mana yang memang essential bagi mereka untuk tahu, dan mana yang nice to know aja.
Anywayy, I like my class environment relaxed, with good humor, with an appropriate amount of respect, but not so much that they feel unable to correct me or ask questions. And yang nomer satu, food is OK in class! Sebenernya lebih buat advantage gw sih ini wakakakak. Asal jangan tiba2 gelar nasi padang di meja mah, sok aja, feel free to munch in my class!


Monday, November 14, 2016

Good morning....! And then what?

Ahhh good morning!!
It's 7:37 AM, I am up and I'm uh....kind of confused karena anak2 jam segini lagi diculik ke rumah tetangga. This is unusual, jarang2 jam segini gw udah sendirian dan nggak ada satu-dua cibul yang harus diurusin. Tapi jadinya malah mikir. Now I have like...about an hour of free time this early in the morning, trus gw ngapain ya? Malah bingung hahaha.

Rutinitas pagi para mahmud (mamah muda iniii, ah) yang lain gimana ya kira2? Kalau gw sepertinya salah satu yang alhamdulillahhh banget super-duper beruntung dapet yang modelnya kayak suami gw. Jadi kalau pagi2, yang ngurusin anak2 adalah my boo. Dari mulai mandiin, ngurusin sarapan, sampe akhirnya anter mereka sekolah sambil sekalian pergi ngantor. So whaddya say? Oh betapa ini adalah seorang istri dan ibu durhaka hahahaha (emang wkwkwk). Tapiiiii, in my defense, gw emang biasa baru bisa tidur di atas jam 12 malem. Gw ini kan kerjaannya sebagai freelancer di dunia translating and subtitling. Dan gw baru bisa kerja optimal saat anak2 udah tidur. So my window to work is usually around 2 hours at naptime, and from 9pm-sleepytime at night. Jadi memang, I need that extra 1-2 hours of sleep time in the morning to function properly for the rest of the day. Ditambah lagi, memang I am not a morning (or daylight) person. Jadi my afternoon window nggak terlalu terpakai maksimal. Dari dulu sampe sekarang, belum berubah juga. Otak si gue ini, memang bener2 baru beroperasi dengan optimal begitu matahari terbenam. Nooo I am not exaggerating!
Dari dulu aja waktu kuliah, kalau ngerjain tugas atau belajar buat ujian, ini pikiran baru cespleng kalo udah gelap. Bukan berarti belajar siang totally nggak bisa siih....bisa, tapi ya diseret banget gitu. Kalau lagi waktunya gw harus belajar, magically kebutuhan2 lain muncul dan dirasa harus dikerjain saat itu juga. Organizing my undies drawer...bersihin kamar mandi...ke supermarket beli baut untuk kunci lemari yang agak longgar...literally anything BUT studying (ini nyata ya, gw ngga boong hahaha). Kalau sekarang, giliran buka laptop untuk mulai kerja pas anak2 bobo siang, mulai deh. Misalnya, dari 2 jam yang tersedia untuk kerja, a good 60% was spent on nyari cemilan, watching my favorite show that starts at 4pm (Royal Romance, chinese drama y'all!), play cooking games on my phone, lalu browsing through Buzzfeed. Kerjanya kapan dong jeng...?? Yaa, cuma disisip2in aja antara semua itu tadi hahaha. Pemalas. -.-"

Untung si suami tersayang ini ngerti banget tabiat istrinya yang ampun2an ini dah. Dia nggak nyuruh gw stop doing this kind of work yang ngabisin waktu malam gw, nggak nyuruh gw untuk try to manage my time better.
I guess di suatu hari, dia ngeliat gw tepar abis kerjain translation sampe jam 3 pagi, dia ya..., tau2 mulai aja ngurus anak2 untuk rutinitas pagi. I lafffff youuuuu boo! He understands that I need this job, not so much for the money, tapi untuk menyeimbangkan kesehatan mental dan emosional juga. Salah satu tantangan buat gw setelah punya anak yang manis2 ini adalah, gimana caranya agar otak gw tetap berputar untuk hal-hal di luar parenting now that I've decided to stay home. Kerjaan gw sebelum nikah adalah di dunia management consulting. Bagi yang belum tau, dunia management consulting is both satisfying and demanding at the same time. Kita harus menyelesaikan problem2 rumit yang dialami suatu perusahaan, yang biasanya permasalahan mereka nggak straightforward. Oh how I love the discussions, the brainstormings, the problem solvings, the responsibility (!) to make things right for the client. It was fast paced, chock-full of brilliant and driven people, and rewarding. Tapii, it was also very time consuming (buat gw sih at least). Good reward though (hint hint buat adek2 brilian yang lagi pilih2 karir, monggo loh dicoba).
Jaid yah, setelah pengalaman gonta-ganti baby sitter, nggak ada yg sreg, I quit. And here I am, several years later, still trying to manage everything properly. Kapan ya kira2 gw bisa jadi expert on all things mommyhood?

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Meet Up with Ucita Pohan, Andra Alodita, and Hanzky!

Ohhhh yes, hari ini adalah hari yang menyenangkan. Total me-time banget, oh my God it's been a while.
Jadi, tadi pagi jam 10-12 ada acara meet up sama Ucita Pohan and Andra Alodita, yang pengen ketemuan sama beberapa followersnya and ngobrol2 tentang kehidupan online and offline seorang socmed personality.
Gw sih termasuk yang baru masuk di dunia Instagram (ke mana aja jeng.....?!), dimulai dengan alasan, ya...shopping hahahaha

Before IG, gw pikir Lazada sama Mataharimall udah racun. Hohoho...betapa salahnya gw. Racun sebenernya tu adalah Instagram, ladies and gentlemen! Suamiku sabar ya....cup cup
Yah anyhoo, di samping perannya sebagai retail therapy, IG ini juga berjasa memperkenalkan gw ke beberapa orang yang ngga disangka-sangka cukup influential di hidup gw sekarang.

Okay a little background. I have two baby daughters, the oldest is a special one. Kakak K lagi kena ALL (Acute Lymphoma Leukemia) sejak Desember 2014. Total treatment nya dia 2 tahun, nah di tahun pertama itu waktu-waktunya intensive chemo, dan kita ngejalanin perawatan di Singapur. So, selama satu tahun penuh, gw berdua dengan K tinggal di Singapur, pretty much in isolation. Anggota keluarga occassionally datang on the weekends, tapi ya nggak bisa setiap weekend ada.
So that first year was rough. I almost went into depression, tapi Alhamdulillah nggak sempet sih. When I was almost at the end of my wits, intensive chemo K kelar dan boleh pulang ke Jakarta (or Bekasi, whatevs haha).
Dan keadaan gw pas pulang gimana? I was obese (no, seriously). I gained almost 10kg di Singapur, with all the stress eating and such. I was always always hungry, nggak ada kata kenyang. And then sekitar 2 bulan lalu, akhirnya gw berhasil mencapai titik di mana gw udah bisa (dan udah harus, sih) memikirkan well-being gw lagi. I knew then, that I need to start changing. I don't want to suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes, and end up getting a stroke at the age of 30-ish (I stopped counting after 33, ha!). Tapi gw nggak tau harus gimana. Apa yang pertama kali harus gw lakukan?

Lalu, gw stumbled upon IG-nya Ucit (@uchiet). I was stunned. She's a big gal. And fabulous as hell.

Gw ngeliat post dia wearing a bikini, and looked hella good. Then I thought, "Oh, hey. Confidence looks good on you."
Dari situ gw mulai bisa build up my confidence again. I am not JUST a cancer mom. I am me. I am smart. I matter.
But I still have that weight problem. Udah mulai ganggu ke kesehatan sih soalnya. Napas gw pendek, back problem gw muncul lagi, Sering nggak enak badan, tenggorokan gatel, dll dsb. But I don't know what to do. Gw udah ngurangin makan, coba diet ini itu, nothing works, nothing sticks. Kapanpun gw berhasil nurunin berat, begitu gw silap dikit, it will shoot right back up. Bener2 bikin semangat hilang deh pokoknya.

Lalu, gw liat lagi foto Ucit lagi lari. Dang, if she can do it, I can do it too. Lalu I knew I had to start working out. But how? How to start?

Luckily I got two cool new friends sesama orang tua murid. Dari mereka, kita sama2 mulai ikut aerobik and Zumba di studio senam deket rumah (ternyata ada di deket rumah!).
I loved every second of it.
Gw, yang selama ini practically nggak pernah olah raga, diperkenalkan rasanya badan bugar itu kayak apa. Dari olah raga, food craving gw lama-lama berkurang. Sampai akhirnya gw berhasil nurunin a good number of kgs, and kept it down.

Well, see? I guess ini yang namanya butterfly effect ya. Dimulai dari sesuatu yang mungkin kalo dilihat orang remeh banget ya. Just 2 pictures. Satu foto bikini dan satu foto lari. Two simple things created a ripple effect for me. A positive one.

Dari situlah gw merasa, okay I'm ready to write again now. Gw pengen bisa bikin butterfly effect kayak gitu juga. Gw pengen, ada paling enggak satu kata dari ribuan ocehan gw ini, yang bisa bikin positive ripple effect to someone. Just one person will already make me happy. Kalau lebih banyak lagi kan luar biasa ya nggak sih?

Thank you juga buat my god sister, Hanzky, buat obrolan panjangnya hari ini. You're my role model, and you gave me the fuel to start writing again, tonight. Ditambah that amazing fruit bowl sorbet kinda thing, nama tempatnya apaaa ituuuu udah lupaa *jompo. So this first post is for you!

I have stories now. Lots of stories. Banyak yang pengen gw share tentang jagoan kecil gw yang berjuang melawan penyakitnya dengan kekuatan yang bahkan jauh lebih bertenaga dari punya gw dan suami gw combined, and tentang adik kecilnya yang nggak kalah luar biasanya, yang sometimes bikin gw mikir, "What do I do to deserve them, and how the heck can I raise them right?"

Kita mulai ngobrol lagi, kita mulai cerita-cerita lagi ya.

And so this goes...

xoxo

Ms. Mandy starts teaching again! (old post that was stuck in draft for too long)

So I am starting a teaching job starting this coming Tuesday, and I am soo..hh..ooo not ready for it. I am not done with my syllabus. I am not done with the lecture presentation. I am no way near ready to talk in front of those college kids. I don't know what I'm gonna wear. Do I go with a conservative look? A casual look? I don't want my students to see me as an uptight teacher or down right not caring if I wear something that's too casual. What kind of shoes to wear? Acessories?? GHAAA.....help!!

Oh by the way gw teh ngajarnya bahasa Inggris. Honestly, I can speak English really well but I have never been really aware of the grammar rules and such. Yang basic2 sih tau, tapi ya....dunno lah. We'll see!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Bye Grandma

So last Saturday I got news that my nini has passed away. Family and I then rushed to Bandung to bid our last goodbye.  We got there at night and there she was.
I miss her.....I miss her feisty self. She was never one to take anybody's bullshit. She was so strong that it took a strong person to truly understands her. I love her for that. She was my rock. Always was.
I bid you farewell nini..now you're free from the sickly body you didn't deserve for these past years. Now you can be you again.

Love,
Manda

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Sanctuary

So now I'm a mother of two. Nothing else is going on right now I don't think.
Well I started listening to music again now. For someone who loooves music, being absent from it for about a year is pretty significant. I didn't even really gave it much thought until one day I listened to a John Mayer song from my laptop, with an earphone. I mean really listen to the song with eyes closed. Never thought the effect would be so significant. Felt like I am starting to get pieces of myself back.
Don't get me wrong..being a mother and a wife is great. Seriously. I wouldn't trade it with anything else. The love I felt and give to my husband and kids are so great that I left myself out without even thinking about it.
Now I am holding on to my music. Taking some me time at night with my earphones on and eyes shut. Oh sanctuary. Hello Amanda, let's dance like crazy in our dream tonight.  Bottoms up :)

Rant

Waah udah lama banget ga nuliiiiss…pengen mulai blogging lagi tapi no time euy. I don’ even have enough time to take care of myself nowadays (curcol alert)

Ini ya…di project yg sekarang…emosi jiwa boookk

Why? Because of questionable leadership of a certain leader, I’d say! Hehehehe
It is not the work that I mind.Trust me I do not mind at all. However, it is the leadership style (if any leadership ahown at all) that burned us all to the ground.

At least I can learn on what NOT to do when I’m a leader. Yiihaaa!

bosen sebosen bosen nya

Ampun dijeeee...

Gue udah nganggur ga ada kerjaan dari jam 3 tapi belom bisa pulang krn bos2nya juga belom pada pulang, krn masih jam 3, dan krn baru dijemput jam 7 juga. And it feels oh so excruciating! Pala gue sampe puyeng liatin laptop terus...
Kerjaan gue kan tadi udh beres, udh gw kirim, tp belom bisa direview. Baru bisa besok pagi jadi gw harus nyampe kantor jam 8

Anyhoo...gue udah kram otak gini euy..udah buka yahoo news, kompas, detik, ebay, jakarta post, dll dsb..
I've never thought in a million years that I will be one of those who struggle with weight. I mean seriously statting to struggle with my health as well. For the first time in years, my asthma came back and I actually went to the ER because of it. I can't sing like I used to because I have shorter breath now. My energy level is at its lowest and my back pain is coming back with a vengeance, with its worst attack starts today. And, most importantly, my self confidence has really been going south and I long for it. I really miss having that spring in my every step every morning. Now, all of my attempts on dressing up and have my make up done feels like a joke.